I've been trying to brace myself for the worse (and know now, keenly, that I will never be prepared). But still, nothing prepares you for the moment in which your mother no longer recognises you. The doctors call it cognitive impairment, but in my heart, it was losing her before you lose her.
Our lives, before, were already concentrated to her care. But, now, we dropped every thing and figured out how to be with her 24/7. We had day shifts and night shifts, and a period where all of us will be together in the day. It was like passing on a baton, at times, but you don't drop the baton. No, you don't.
One night, to soothe her restless fidgeting, I started humming a song. Moon River. Why. I don't know why. I didn't even know the words. I could only sing "Moon River" and then hum what I remembered. Suddenly, I burst into tears. Her eyes opened. I couldn't see clarity in her eyes, but she looked so sad. She looked at me, and I thought she could see me. She lifted her hand and patted my shoulder gingerly a few times. In the madness, this was my one second of sanity. My beautiful something out of nothing. My one line to the shore.
This morning, Mum woke up.
And, I thought, let's stay like this. When night is my day, and the sun is the smile on your face when you see the flowers Dad took picture of for you.
Moon river wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style someday
You dream maker, you heartbreaker
Wherever you're going I'm going your way
Two drifters off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end
Waiting 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river and me
(Moon river, wider than a mile)
(I'm crossin' you in style some day)
Oh dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you're going, I'm going your way
Two drifters off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end,
Waiting 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me
(Moon river, moon river)
No comments:
Post a Comment