the first date

Photography credits: Kelvin Koh (Lightedpixels) 

     It was after midnight and we were walking home from the shopping mall to my house. Many of the exits were closed already. We walked towards an automated sliding door and ZM muttered, "Won't it be cool if I waved my hand and the doors opened?" We had just finished a movie where the characters had superpowers - hence his delusions of grandeur. 

   ZM waved and the doors opened. I laughed, "That is so lame." 

  ZM shook his head, "You see, you won't say that if this was our first date." 

  I cooed, "Oh that was so cool." 

   "Now, that's just patronising." 

  I laughed, "Then let's pretend we are on our first date." 

  I turned to him shyly, "My house is only a ten minutes walk away, it's fine if we part now - it's just a short walk away." 

  ZM "gentlemanly" offered to walk me back since he was "going to take a cab back after sending me back anyway". 

  He asked how far away my house was. I said it was about ten minutes away. 

  ZM responded, "Then I will enjoy these ten minutes." 

  I cringed in half embarrassment and an almost effort to resist blushing. "I can't believe you said that," I said. "Don't you think that's coming on a bit strong for a first date?" 

  ZM laughed. 

   We had instances like these on the walk home - breaking the illusion of the first date. I said whoever broke the illusion three times will face a penalty. 

   After that,  none of us broke the illusion again. It was... fascinating in parts - because we talked a lot on the way back, making an effort to fill in the silences, to tell the other that we were interested - even laying the foundation for the next date. Balancing between expressing interest and avoiding the impression of being too eager. It was a dance of being open but not ready to commit. 

   We walked side by side - with that intangible space between us - it was the unexplored frontier, the distance that needed to be crossed. 

    We told each other tidbits and stories we had already shared before in our five years together. There was nothing we did not know. 

    In the park that laid between the night and my house, I told him I loved to watch out for the cats - little angels guarding my route home. Oh there they were, I said, and we watched the cats for a while, before we decided not to disturb them any longer. 

   At one point, ZM offered for us to sit on the benches in the middle of the park, and to watch the cats. The kind of irresistibly spontaneous and romantic thing you do on first dates. 

   But, I said no.

   So we walked home to my gate, thanked each other for the lovely night and said goodbye. 

   When I walked into my gate, ZM followed me in. 

   Because when the magic of the first date falls away, it is your husband that follows you home. Maybe we always need some reminding that even in the longest relationships, there was a first date. There is always a first date. 

  At the first date, we say yes to everything because this might be our only date. 

  But it's not too bad, being married, as ZM always smiles and says, it means we can fall in love again and again and again.  

the perfect date

     The only question I get more often than "does ZM 'get' you or understand your writing?" is "Do you and ZM ever fight?" I suppose the answer is both yes and no, because of course ZM and I squabble, because we have such different attitudes towards life and money - but the answer is also no, because we don't really fight like most couples, it's never negative or personal or vindictive. And, I think it's never negative, personal or vindictive because ZM is not a person to take things negatively, personally or vindictively. I'm the kind of person who could/would - who can take something said or done in ordinary life and see it as a response to me personally. 

   But, ZM and I have been together for almost five years now, and within that time, both of us have in our own way, grown comfortable with how we say our 'I love you's. We don't say 'No' to each other, we say 'Maybe'. 

   Because, at a certain point in the relationship, both of us did not want to ever break up - knowing exactly the kind of person the other was. And at that point, you can't talk about deal-breakers anymore. Still, there would always be gaps - some easily filled than others. I've always wanted a dog - ZM always said no because he thought it was impossible and impractical to have a pet with our busy lifestyles. So, I told him that a dog is really important to me, so please think about it. 

  That was years ago now. ZM laughs now at how my "think about it" went to "maybe" to "we are going to get a dog when our house is ready". 

  My moral of the story isn't "please listen to your wife" (although that would be ideal). But, you don't know how happy you can make someone you love feel by never closing the door on any of her or his dreams (however impractical or insane or subjectively bad). 

   I thought about it today when ZM took leave and we explored the streets. Walking for a whole good afternoon. I asked ZM if he thinks we have changed and he said "we've just become more comfortable". Not more comfortable with each other, but more comfortable in our material wealth (because we had nothing previously). 

   Sometimes, it's easier to have nothing, because we then only had each other, and nothing to fight about. It's always the wanting that causes conflicts. But, I like this too - this world-building where we figure out how each other's wants and needs can co-exist. 

   I would like to walk the world with you. 

I would like to be your final yes. 

Photography credits: Kelvin Koh (Lightedpixels) 

#date_night: waffles before midnight

You used to fold paper cranes for me. 

things that still makes me laugh