no time for old habits

Image credits: dishfunctionaldesigns.blogspot.com

    I was thinking the other day, the difference between a habit and an addiction is that you are supposed to be able to quit habits. I returned to work officially last week and habits I've grown and cultured within my sabbatical have slowly crept away - my almost ritualistic daily writing or the daily porridge Dad and I always eat for lunch.

   Now my calendars are filled endlessly and there is little time for a whimsical, what shall I do today? I am a general and the calendar is my land to be conquered - as I plan and maneuver to build my castles on these little plotted squares.

  On one of the nights, while on my way home, I sat down at the park bench. I watched a black cat lying on its back next to me. I have so many places to be at, dear cat. 

   And this Andrew Marvell of a cat said, Had we but world enough, and time... We would sit down and think which way, to walk and pass our long love's day. 

   Then, the black cat left to cuddle with the white cat. 

the first date

Photography credits: Kelvin Koh (Lightedpixels) 

     It was after midnight and we were walking home from the shopping mall to my house. Many of the exits were closed already. We walked towards an automated sliding door and ZM muttered, "Won't it be cool if I waved my hand and the doors opened?" We had just finished a movie where the characters had superpowers - hence his delusions of grandeur. 

   ZM waved and the doors opened. I laughed, "That is so lame." 

  ZM shook his head, "You see, you won't say that if this was our first date." 

  I cooed, "Oh that was so cool." 

   "Now, that's just patronising." 

  I laughed, "Then let's pretend we are on our first date." 

  I turned to him shyly, "My house is only a ten minutes walk away, it's fine if we part now - it's just a short walk away." 

  ZM "gentlemanly" offered to walk me back since he was "going to take a cab back after sending me back anyway". 

  He asked how far away my house was. I said it was about ten minutes away. 

  ZM responded, "Then I will enjoy these ten minutes." 

  I cringed in half embarrassment and an almost effort to resist blushing. "I can't believe you said that," I said. "Don't you think that's coming on a bit strong for a first date?" 

  ZM laughed. 

   We had instances like these on the walk home - breaking the illusion of the first date. I said whoever broke the illusion three times will face a penalty. 

   After that,  none of us broke the illusion again. It was... fascinating in parts - because we talked a lot on the way back, making an effort to fill in the silences, to tell the other that we were interested - even laying the foundation for the next date. Balancing between expressing interest and avoiding the impression of being too eager. It was a dance of being open but not ready to commit. 

   We walked side by side - with that intangible space between us - it was the unexplored frontier, the distance that needed to be crossed. 

    We told each other tidbits and stories we had already shared before in our five years together. There was nothing we did not know. 

    In the park that laid between the night and my house, I told him I loved to watch out for the cats - little angels guarding my route home. Oh there they were, I said, and we watched the cats for a while, before we decided not to disturb them any longer. 

   At one point, ZM offered for us to sit on the benches in the middle of the park, and to watch the cats. The kind of irresistibly spontaneous and romantic thing you do on first dates. 

   But, I said no.

   So we walked home to my gate, thanked each other for the lovely night and said goodbye. 

   When I walked into my gate, ZM followed me in. 

   Because when the magic of the first date falls away, it is your husband that follows you home. Maybe we always need some reminding that even in the longest relationships, there was a first date. There is always a first date. 

  At the first date, we say yes to everything because this might be our only date. 

  But it's not too bad, being married, as ZM always smiles and says, it means we can fall in love again and again and again.  

Vedute and the Grand Tour

    The idea of the Grand Tour was for the wealthy upper-class young European men (not women alas) to travel to the Continent, especially France and Italy, to experience classical art,  culture and the "roots of Western Civilisation". Vedute (view paintings) were popular as representations of the Grand Tour - as souvenirs or an imagined fantasy as many of these paintings were not physically possible. 

  Seeing these two paintings at the Princely Treasures exhibition inspired me to look at my archives of photographs in Europe - my own mini Grand Tour (haha). It has been almost five years now. I've always wanted to finish writing about it... 

  Hopefully, I'll do so one day. 

  I selected some photographs that I took around the same setting as these paintings.

we all have our own Rome and Venice  

Rome

Capriccio with the Most Important Architectural Monuments and Sculptures of Ancient Rome by Giovanni Paolo Pannini 

Venice

  The St Mark's Square in Venice looking West with the Campanile by Il Canaletto

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.” 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Princely Treasures

because angels can walk amongst men 

Princely Treasures

From the House of Liechtenstein 

National Museum of Singapore (27 June - 29 Sept 2013) 

Admission: $10 per pax 

     To be honest, the new policy implemented where Museums are "free" to Singaporeans doesn't appear to have taken much of an effect for the average adult. The only worthwhile exhibits at the National Museum are the special exhibitions (which you still have to pay for) and I go to the Singapore Art Museums on Friday nights if I want to see all the exhibitions for free (and this was already the case before the new policy took effect). I actually wonder if it has the countervailing effect of decreasing the incentive for people to pay for exhibitions. 

   I always take pleasure from a well-curated art exhibition - and one of the things I love about art is how much it reflects life, how much it teaches one about perspective and time. While it will certainly help to be knowledgeable about art history - so much of art reflects a particular culture, context, sense of philosophy that you may be surprised at how much you react to it even without prior knowledge. That's why art is so wonderful at times - it is merely asking you to respond to its beauty. 

   I think the best kind of feeling when you walk out of a museum is to feel like the world has changed - because someone has opened your eyes to something greater. 

   

    

     I think the exhibitions in Singapore tend to vary in quality - I don't know if this is because curators struggle to decide what kind of audience it wants to reach out to and the level and complexity of their message. I have been to exhibitions where I was horrified at the direction and layout and have also often been disappointed about the lack of depth in the exhibitions - but, on a hopeful note, the quality of recent exhibitions have been improving.

   I enjoyed Princely Treasures a lot because it had a very clear vision of what it wanted to represent and a very strong sense of place. I like how it was aware of the limitations of its own space - which is resolutely modern - as compared to the House of Liechtenstein/Liechtenstein Museum. You could see it in the photos and large framed images of the original settings of all these beautiful artworks - there is an acute sense that these artworks do not belong here, they were clearly made for a different setting, in a different era - and yet, the stark simplicity of the something new also highlighted how truly timeless certain pieces can be.

they will always take your breath away

 

   Dad really enjoyed the portraits. He marveled at how vivid the portraits were - "how lifelike... as if he was staring right at me... as if they were photographs taken yesterday". 

   

The Workshop of a Painter with Self-Portrait by Johann Georg Platzer 

I have a soft spot for paintings within a paintings - you could stare endlessly at the details and intricateness of such a piece. 

Flowers in a Vase by Franz Werner Tamm 

I have heard people say that Still Lifes have no place in Art with the advent of modern technology but I do not think this is true. Still Life is I think one of the great teachers of perspective and patience - and some Still Lifes have this wonderfully oppressing sense of precision. Many Still Lifes have allegorical value - but you could really just enjoy it as a beautiful moment captured in time. I picked this Still Life because it is physically impossible for all the flowers in the vase to be in bloom at the same time. 

it could only exist in art 

Cupid with the Soap Bubble by Rembrandt Harmensz. Van Rijn

This is such a lovely piece - the soap bubble in the cupid's hand is supposed to represent the transience and fragility of love, just like a bubble.

Ok, enough of my ramblings, I'll just post a few more pictures of the many many many great artworks on display - you really have to enjoy them in person. 

 Also, enjoying an art exhibition with someone you love is a precious memory indeed. I feel that Dad and I are now tied to certain pieces that we laughed and shared together - our little moment that will be silently carried along with these artworks in the ceaseless tide of time. 

Portrait of a Man by Raphael 

A little bit from Bacchus and Ariadne by Francesco Maggiotto

Vengeance is Sworn by Francesco Hayez 

(I can't decide between this and Landscape with the Young Tobias (the painting on the cover of the museum  guide) as my favourite.)

A little bit from Landscape with Roman Ruins by Herman Posthumus

In english, the inscription reads: "Oh, voracious Time, and you, envious Age, you destroy everything." 

灯火阑珊

      My short sabbatical is ending. Today is probably the last day I spend just enjoying myself at home - reading, writing, and listening to our life-old radio playing chinese songs I vaguely hum in tune with. 

      This one is particularly beautiful: 

有一种预感 爱就要离岸

所有回忆却慢慢碎成片断

不能尽欢 爱总是苦短

我只想要你最后的答案

有一种预感 想挽回太难

对你还有无可救药的期盼

我坐立难安 望眼欲穿

我会永远守在灯火阑珊的地方

the perfect date

     The only question I get more often than "does ZM 'get' you or understand your writing?" is "Do you and ZM ever fight?" I suppose the answer is both yes and no, because of course ZM and I squabble, because we have such different attitudes towards life and money - but the answer is also no, because we don't really fight like most couples, it's never negative or personal or vindictive. And, I think it's never negative, personal or vindictive because ZM is not a person to take things negatively, personally or vindictively. I'm the kind of person who could/would - who can take something said or done in ordinary life and see it as a response to me personally. 

   But, ZM and I have been together for almost five years now, and within that time, both of us have in our own way, grown comfortable with how we say our 'I love you's. We don't say 'No' to each other, we say 'Maybe'. 

   Because, at a certain point in the relationship, both of us did not want to ever break up - knowing exactly the kind of person the other was. And at that point, you can't talk about deal-breakers anymore. Still, there would always be gaps - some easily filled than others. I've always wanted a dog - ZM always said no because he thought it was impossible and impractical to have a pet with our busy lifestyles. So, I told him that a dog is really important to me, so please think about it. 

  That was years ago now. ZM laughs now at how my "think about it" went to "maybe" to "we are going to get a dog when our house is ready". 

  My moral of the story isn't "please listen to your wife" (although that would be ideal). But, you don't know how happy you can make someone you love feel by never closing the door on any of her or his dreams (however impractical or insane or subjectively bad). 

   I thought about it today when ZM took leave and we explored the streets. Walking for a whole good afternoon. I asked ZM if he thinks we have changed and he said "we've just become more comfortable". Not more comfortable with each other, but more comfortable in our material wealth (because we had nothing previously). 

   Sometimes, it's easier to have nothing, because we then only had each other, and nothing to fight about. It's always the wanting that causes conflicts. But, I like this too - this world-building where we figure out how each other's wants and needs can co-exist. 

   I would like to walk the world with you. 

I would like to be your final yes. 

Photography credits: Kelvin Koh (Lightedpixels) 

P's graduation

  The day before P's convocation ceremony, I went to order a bouquet of flowers and then visited Mum at the temple. It was a lovely peaceful day. I told Mum, P was going to graduate tomorrow in case she forgot and we were going to watch P for her.

  L had arranged to come my house in the afternoon and we were messaging all the way on the train and while I walked home to coordinate timings. Strangely, the moment when I reached home, my handphone blacked out and stopped working. I charged it for hours after, but nothing happened. I switched my sim card into Mum's handphone - at P's university the next day, I told Dad about it... that somehow I had the strange feeling that Mum wanted me to bring her handphone to P's ceremony so my handphone went flat. We laughed, and I joked, that would mean my handphone would be miraculously resurrected the next day.

  And it did.

   But all that happened after, and in the moment of P's graduation, there was an unsaid shared consciousness of what could not be there. As Dad shared later, we miss her most on days like these.

     I knew Mum was watching over P in her usual classic way - smiling at P's penchant for high heels. Those are my shoes, Mum. But, those shoes were found by P, ever the beauty scavenger. She's taking her first step into the adult world now, into a place that we can no longer protect.

     We can only watch now, Mum, only watch.

       

#date_night: waffles before midnight

You used to fold paper cranes for me. 

The Rabbit Stash

The Rabbit Stash
354 Alexandra Road, #01-07
Reservations: Call 98588607 (10am-9 pm)
Lunch: 12 to 2.30 pm (Wed to Sun)
Dinner: 6.30 to 10.30 pm (Tues to Sun)
5 course Degustation Dinner - $90-100 pax (includes wine)
Ala-carte - at least $50 per pax
Asian Inspired European Cuisine
Extremely warm service & lovely food
1* Dual Shot (Dessert: Herbal gelee with manuka honey & avocado cream with blueberry coulis)

      When I heard about The Rabbit Stash, a quiet, unpretentious restaurant opened by a chef who had incredibly strong word of mouth from private dining, I immediately thought of M. M likes food almost exactly the way I do - we live in the moment when we eat wondrous food - just thinking of the food. And, it was just in time, because M and I have been trying to improve the frequency of our dinners - we used to meet every Friday before boyfriends (and alas, husbands) came along. 

     The food at The Rabbit Stash is honestly, very good. But, what makes me want to tell all my friends to go eat at The Rabbit Stash is how warm and lovely the people who work at the restaurant are. The serving staff didn't seem professional to me, not because they weren't good, but because they were so warm and sincere - I suspected that they were relatives of the owners of the restaurant. It's the kind of place where everyone wants to make this place special. And, somehow, by sheer force of will, it is. 

     The 5 course degustation Summer Dinner (for the mains, M had the ribeye while I had the snapper): 

Sea Scallop Ceviche 

San Marzano tomato, passion fruit, mozzarella, lime espuma

Ocean Prawn 

Nonya “Assam” puree, white asparagus, pineapple mousseline

Black Ribeye (145g)

Horseradish, sweet corn, black olive velvet, bacon, charlotte potato

Pan seared Snapper 

Truffle tangerine, field mushroom ragout, Japanese yam

Dual Shot 

Herbal gelee with manuka honey & avocado cream with blueberry coulis 

This is seriously heavenly. I really hate jelly desserts but I loved this. 

Chocolate Lava Cake with Vanilla Ice Cream

We switched the earl grey panna cotta for the chocolate lava cake on the ala carte menu. 

    At the end of the meal, Chef Matthew came to ask us about the food, and we both chorused that it was really good. And, then, Chef Matthew asked M if there was something wrong with the asparagus because she didn't eat it. I nearly died laughing as M tried to explain it wasn't because the asparagus wasn't good, but she simply didn't eat asparagus.

   Chef Matthew's wife, Donna, is in charge of the wine at the restaurant. She's an incredibly attractive and warm lady. I asked what was the inspiration behind the restaurant's name, and she shared that both Chef Matthew and her were born in the year of rabbits - which coincidentally, M and I were. She also shared that there was a baby rabbit (a baby born in the year of the rabbit) who came earlier in the day as well. So, I checked if babies were welcome at the restaurant and they are! Which is great, because M and I are always trying to find places where J can bring her toddler son 1 and baby son 2.

   I, sometimes, get melancholy when I think about babies. I always think back to the moment when Mum was really ill and she told me, it looks like ZM's mum will have to take care of the grandchildren. It bit me then, and it still bites. But, I know that my children, P's children, will know of her, feel her love, because P and I were only ever mothered one way, and that is the way we love.

   And, I write this here, because it's exactly how I felt when Donna shared why the restaurant is called The Rabbit Stash... because rabbits keep their most precious things away in the stash. Mothers, too, they stash their most precious things in their children.

     And this is why P is Pearl, and I am named Crystal. 

Taiwan (12) - Day 8 - Danshui (Finishing Line)

     It's satisfying to finally finish the series of entries about the Taiwan trip. I kind of faltered halfway but I was always determined to finish it, because it was such an integral point in our immediate grieving. I started to write the 我和她 series in Taiwan, when in my heart and mind, there had previously been such abject silence - it was strange, and even unnerving, to suddenly have words pour into my head. My Mandarin was painful and stilted... which gelled I guess with my own feelings. The second or third entry in the 我和她 series talked about how I could only use Mother Tongue to write about my mother... it may seem strange now, since I have written in English about her, but at that point in time, that was the only way I could verbalise/filter out my thoughts. Mandarin in some ways... feels like my origin of things, as she is to me. 

     My mum, my origin of things. 

    On the last day of Taiwan, we went to so many places - Danshui to buy our caps (see above), Ximending so Dad could eat his favourite steak again. P was extending her trip by two days to shop with her friends. 

      After seeing Cijin Island, Danshui was rather plain. It was foggy, I think, that day. It was windy. We walked along the border. Sensing Dad's loneliness for a moment, I held his hand. He was surprised. I laughed. 

     We walked for a while, then reached the market. Dad let go of my hand so I could join P. 

     That was our last day. 

Taiwan (11) - Hotels for Taipei/ Beitou

1) Star Beauty Hotel for Taipei (Stayed 3 Nights) 

  For Taipei, it was pretty hard to find a good hotel since I was booking it one week in advance and looking for a triple room. All the really good ones were booked! I finally settled on Star Beauty Hotel after comparing reviews from various sites. 

   There's another bed which I did not photograph. The hotel room was really spacious and the toilet was incredibly big. It's about 10 minutes walk from Shilin Night Market (the reason why I chose it) and 10 minutes walk from Jian Tan metro station (劍潭). 

   The triple room costs $180 per night, which is twice the price of the family room at Kaoshiung! Which I think provides a good contrast of the business development in Taipei and Kaoshiung. 

     It included breakfast buffet, which was quite decent but not as good as the one in Kaoshiung. I liked that it was spacious, relatively modern and very clean. I would recommend the hotel if you love Shilin Night Market - it was convenient in the sense that after a day of travelling, Dad would return to the hotel (there was a fruit market next to our hotel which he loved) while P and I would shop at the Shilin Night Market till it closed (truer words have never been spoken). 

       Still, after the trip, I realised Dad and P liked Ximending for the food and shopping, so I would probably stay around that area the next time. I stayed at a hotel at Ximending for my last two trips, and I noticed that the hotels there are much smaller  - the usual location/size trade-off. 

2) Spring Sweetme Resort for XinBeitou (New Beitou Station) (Stayed 2 Nights) 

    It wasn't easy choosing a suitable Hot Spring Resort either because a lot of the hot spring resorts offer two pax rooms - catering mainly for couples. My favourite hot spring resort is actually YangMingShan Landis - but again it's more for couples and at the YangMingShan area. There's a range of prices for hot spring resorts - the lower range from $80 to $150, middle range $200-$350, and higher range of $400 above. Some tourists just choose to visit in the day, but I unabashedly belong to the group of staying at least two nights at a hot spring resort. If I had my way, I would hardly leave the resort. 

    If you want to compare the hot spring resorts in Taiwan to Japan - I can immediately tell you that  the Japanese hot spring resorts win. No doubt. I've stayed at Hakone (near Fuji) and Noboribetsu Hell Valley (in Hokkaido) and the level of the hot springs and service is almost miles apart. But, still, compared to Singapore with non-existent hot spring facilities, it's still great fun to just enjoy what's on offer. 

    Yes, you have to be nude when using the hotel hot springs. If that's a problem, just book a private room or use the hot spring facilities in your bathroom. So, be very sure, to pick a hotel with a hot spring tub in the bathroom.

  

     The hot spring tub in the bathroom is really large! I was satisfied. All hotel guests also get one complimentary use of the hotel hot springs per day - this would include sauna, jacuzzi, cold hot springs, etc.

      I picked the Japanese Family Room at Spring Sweetme Resort ($295 per night) because it's only 5 minutes from XinBeitou metro station - knowing my family, we would be travelling a lot. It's in the middle of everything really, so the location is great. The buffet breakfast is also great. If you are travelling with guests who are older and may have back problems, I suggest picking the Western Rooms instead because the futons given were not as luxurious as the ones provided in Japan.

     Have fun! They provide lots of tea and tea snacks in the room as well. I also recommend the apple cider which you can buy in the supermarket next door.

   Just imagine - you just finished soaking in the hot springs, wearing the yukata they provided, and settled down to watch television on the futon with your hot tea/biscuits/apple cider. Heaven.