I apologise for the lack of updates but I've been ill. I've finally seen the doctor today, who in medical speak said, "Your throat really needs antibiotics".
Although I really wished I didn't fall ill, because so many days just flew by in hoarseness and drowsiness - I think this bout of illness has led me to realise that my first instinct now is empathy. I think a lot more about other people's pain when I experience my own pain.
Knowing the pain my mother went through, I could never see my pain as ceaseless or overflowing or even dominating. So many other people have to live through a life dominated or crippled by pain. Pain that appears without meaning... it is always so important to be kind.
And, many have been kind to me. Coming up to me with cough syrup and queries of concern - as I internally worry that I'm infecting the environment.
In some ways, it is not surprising that I fell sick, because I alway seem to fall sick within the first month of being back in a new place. Kind of like a baptism of the immune system, I guess.
I remember telling Ru, sometimes I wonder if I feel too much for my work. Even when it's all done, I can't stop thinking if I could have done better. I wonder if I had helped the person in any way at all. Or even, I wonder if it's the system that needs to be better.
It sounds like a receipe for sickness, I told Ru ruefully.
It sounds like a receipe for humanity, She said.
And that is just what the doctor ordered.
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