five years

  (I posted the entry below on Facebook on 10th October 2013 to mark the fifth anniversary of my relationship with ZM. It was meant to be a little surprise for ZM, with a little public flavour, since we have never been very public with our relationship when it first started. In a way, we have been through so much, and I just wanted to express how much he meant to me, in my own way.)

In my whole life, I always feared, most of all no longer being able to say "no".

Even as I wanted to marry you, I feared not being able to leave you. 

I feared the strength of my desire to be with you would weaken with our vows - where can desire roam in the place duty stays? 

I asked you, needled you, wanting to show that you had nothing to stand on - these promises of forever - what do they really bind? Our feet?

"What happens if I leave you?"

"I would be alone."

"Impossible."

"Any other relationship would be a diluted, sanitised version of this. I've put everything I've had into this - there's nothing left. If this does not work, nothing will work."

"This is it," He said, "This is it for me."

And, that, was why I married Him.