It's been a month since we've gotten married. From the sheepishness at the start, to the way we still laugh when we have to call each other "husband" or "wife" like a faint echo of a foreign country, we have reached a stage of grounded sweetness.
I actually miss him. When so much of my fear before, was that I may lose my sense of self, unable to separate what is mine and what is his, as we both become part of each other. So, this sense of loss, is surprising - is almost painful. That's what marriage does to you. I turn around, and you are not there.
Even as I look forward to the events ahead, how fast time flows makes me nervous. I fear again that I'm not ready. But perhaps, one is never ready - one just hopes life will be kind, will remember the times you promised to love it even when it got hard, will remember the times you promised to be grateful when it was generous, will remember that even when it felt like there was no strength left to go on, we did. We believed in you.
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