Watch.

I have been thinking about writing again. There's always the fear of starting again, because you wonder how long will this blog last. But is it such a failure to only be capturing snippets of each phase in life, and then starting again when the old space no longer feels entirely appropriate? Or, is it only because this nomadic blogging is so convenient - imagine if we could start afresh with a new skin every time we wanted. Tabula Rasa.

But I like to think it's always better to start, even if you stop. For if you do not start at all, you already know the answer of how long this will last.

In Maldives, I told ZM I was going to start a blog to write about our marriage and asked him to name it. He paused then said, "Of wind and fishes". I laughed, "Of wind and fishes?" He nodded, "It suits Maldives". I decided I like the name - it really is very generic and ordinary and one is hard pressed to find poetic meaning in it, but maybe that's why I like it. It's simple and without pretensions (or at least I hope it does not sound pretentiously windy nor fishy).

Today, I read an article that the median age for females getting married in Singapore in 2011 is 27.8. So, to be entirely accurate, I got married when I was 24.8. I don't feel particularly young though since I have peers who married younger. Dad kept asking me how does it feel to be married, and he says married with such deep undertones, it feels like one must have been a successful Alice escaping from Wonderland.

Perhaps, the "married" feeling has not kicked in yet or it is something one grows into. Part of it must be the unconventional living arrangements ZM and I have before our house arrives, but I think a larger part of it is that marriage is such a heavy social construct laden with tons of cultural and social expectations. Marriage changes how people see us, but I like to think that how we see each other has not changed. Marriage only gives legal force to my statement that "what is yours is mine" and have ZM bemoaning that he has married someone legally trained. And I take glee in informing him that I have a legal right to maintenance if he fails to provide for me. And while all these teasing is fun (for awhile), I think a relationship should exist outside of all the legal ramifications of marriage. That, we give because we want to and not because we have to. And so, better than being married, is to be committed (says naive me at the 1 week mark of marriage).

I shall end with one of my favourite moments in Maldives. We were lying on sunbeds at the beach and I had fallen asleep. When I woke up, ZM started placing white shells on the bed and said, "Watch".

If you look carefully, nothing is ever what it seems. So, watch.