P and I went out together today. People always asks us if we are twins. Nine out of ten times, we cannot stand each other - but for the one time we can, it's always very nice. For one, we are ruthlessly honest with each other and don't ever have to pretend. Siblings.
Sometimes, I wonder what P and Dad do with their sadness.
Tonight, Dad and I went to have dinner with Dad's Sister (arguably my favourite aunt on Dad's side) and Cousin A and her gorgeous family as they visit from Sydney. Cousin A and her family just glows - clearly very content and happy. It's wonderful to watch. Cousin A is forty but looks thirty. I'm hoping we share some of the same genes.
There were moments during the dinner when I thought how nice if Mum was here as well. I wonder what she would say. I think she would love the cod fish. Small things. Isn't it amazing how tall E is now? I think she's taller than you! And M, hyperactive child that he is, is still very cute. M gave Dad and I a hug before we left the train.
Sometimes the loss inside of me feels so great that I feel like the whole world is just falling through me. But, I guess -- we try.
Cousin A gave ZM and me a belated wedding present. It's an empty book to write in. It's really beautiful. I hope I would have filled it in by the time she next comes to visit, or maybe we go to visit in Sydney.
I read the most beautiful article today. ZM said the couple lived so frugally, and I said, but they were so happy. They were so happy.
"So what shall we collect?" He laughed.
"I don't know," I answered.
I haven't figured out what happiness is yet.
No comments:
Post a Comment